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Everyone recognizes it. The change from falling in love to ‘loving’ marks the beginning of a new phase. While you thought it would all go smoothly, you discover that relationships can be quite complex. We all know that the falling in love phase ends at some point, but when it actually happens you wonder whether you have found the right partner.
In the beginning you try to impress each other by putting your best foot forward. Under the influence of all kinds of chemicals that are released in the brain you do crazy things, love takes on obsessive forms and you are blind to the flaws. But this does not last forever.
Once the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter away, you enter a new phase in the relationship where you and your partner start to feel at ease. The first farts are let out in each other’s presence, the make-up sometimes stays off a little longer and both finally dare to lower their shields a bit. As nice as it is to be yourself a little more, you can also start to feel too comfortable. And then you can start doing things that slowly destroy your relationship.
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13 things that slowly destroy a relationship
When you let a relationship run its course, you gradually lose sight of it. It’s not the outbursts of anger and sadness that destroy a relationship, but a lot of little things that pile up. On their own, they may not seem like big problems, but when you add them up, they can slowly take their toll. Here are 13 of those little things that slowly destroy a relationship.
1. Taking your partner for granted
How often do you show appreciation for the things your partner does? When you lose sight of the qualities in your partner that you fell in love with, you can start to take your partner for granted . And when you start to take everything your partner does for granted, you’re not giving your partner the appreciation that he or she deserves.
2. Holding grudges
You can’t stay mad at your partner forever. People just make mistakes. It’s part of life – and relationships. If you can’t let it go, even after your partner has apologized and enough time has passed, it becomes increasingly difficult to be happy with each other.
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3. Giving too much criticism
Nobody is perfect, so why do you expect that from your partner? In an ideal world we all have an ideal partner who does exactly what we want. But the world isn’t ideal, and relationships never are, which means compromise is necessary. Even if you don’t want to. Giving negative criticism is a way of judging and that doesn’t change anyone.
4. Making an elephant out of a mosquito
How many times have you woken up in the morning to think, “What was I so worried about?” If you’re like most people, you’ll recognize this right away. In relationships, people tend to turn a mosquito into an elephant. They become angrier and more irritated by small, meaningless things. It’s unnecessary and can destroy a relationship in the long run.
5. Never say ‘sorry’
Some people are too proud to say ‘sorry’. They blame the other person, avoid the conversation or make up an excuse. While you may think these people are too proud to admit they were wrong, it is often a matter of showing vulnerability. It is behavior that can destroy a relationship if it prevents you from talking to each other normally.
6. Forgetting the special moments in the relationship
Every relationship has its milestones : from the first kiss to the wedding day. These are the moments when the relationship should be celebrated. But do you do that? If you forget the special days, you destroy bit by bit what makes the relationship so special.
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7. Keep whining
Nagging is a cheap substitute for good communication. When you keep nagging about your unmet needs, like socks lying around that are ruining your view from the couch, you end up in a vicious circle. It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t help the relationship. It slowly destroys it.
8. Money problems
The financial housekeeping has slowly destroyed many relationships. Disagreements about how the salary should be spent, debts and irresponsible spending are daily topics of discussion in countless relationships. And although it is often said that ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’, money can make people in relationships quite unhappy.
9. Passive-aggressive behavior
Do you always bottle up your feelings and let the other person know that you are angry with your negative behavior? When asked what’s wrong, you say, “Nothing.” This form of passive-aggressive behavior is extremely damaging to a relationship. It is a way of expressing aggression that is not well understood because it is a disguised form of aggression. This pattern of behavior can slowly ruin a relationship if nothing changes.
10. Not having a life outside of the relationship
Being together isn’t everything. One thing that can damage the strongest relationships is the lack of a life outside of the relationship. In the beginning, that’s fine, but what most people find later is that they start to miss a part of their old life. That can lead to losing your own unique identity during the relationship.
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11. Avoiding confrontations
Are you not a fighter? And your partner is not either? Then don’t make the mistake of avoiding confrontation at all costs. If you are determined not to fight, you are sweeping the problems under the carpet. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist anymore; they just pile up into a mess under the carpet. And that doesn’t always go well.
12. Not paying attention to yourself
While this may sound a bit superficial, it says a lot about the relationship. If you don’t spend time on yourself and your appearance, it also underlines the fact that you are not willing to put in the effort to look good for your partner.
13. Not making quality time for each other
How often do you have a date night ? Or a deep conversation without any distractions? What many couples lose sight of is that both of you need attention, even if you don’t realize it. The daily routine takes over the relationship and before you know it, you’re in a rut : a phase where love can fade away if you don’t do anything about it.
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