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Love alone is not enough to stay in a relationship with him: together you must also share a mutual basis of respect. If this foundation is not there, the healthy dynamic of the relationship is disrupted.
He talks about you behind your back to others, insults the way you do things, lies and cheats and plays manipulative games : disrespectful behavior that spells doom. But not all signs of disrespect are so obvious.
Many actions are less dramatic and offensive, but they still show that he doesn’t value you for who you are. Often, it’s these little signals that bother you the most, even though you don’t immediately label them as disrespectful behavior.
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Respect in relationships
Relationships in which respect is hard to come by rarely survive the test of time. Mutual respect is the foundation of a relationship. And if you live in a house without a foundation, imagine what happens to that house. It starts to show cracks, everything starts to tilt and eventually it breaks into pieces. Without respect for each other, such a situation ends up in an on-again, off-again relationship at best .
But respect has to be earned, right? In a relationship, it works a bit differently. Right from the start, you should get an advance payment for your good behavior in the future. That means that you have respect for each other, even if neither of you has done enough to “earn” it.
So if someone doesn’t respect you from the start, things won’t get much better later: even if you naively try your best to earn it. You should have respect in a relationship until proven otherwise.
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Why do some men disrespect some women?
Just because the men in your past have been nothing but disrespectful doesn’t mean all men should be tarred with the same brush. It’s some men who disrespect some women. And they have different motives for doing so.
- He has little self-confidence and low self-esteem.
- He feels superior because it gives him self-confidence.
- He has private problems and therefore stress.
- He grew up with values that are not considered “normal”.
- He has little experience with women and doesn’t know how to deal with them.
- He has a personality disorder, for example traits of borderline or narcissism.
- He exhibits behavior that is encouraged in his culture.
- He is emotionally immature or not emotionally intelligent.
13 Signs He Doesn’t Respect You
If you and your partner have mutual respect for each other, overcoming relationship obstacles becomes a lot easier. Because if you have respect for each other, you can see the problem from the other person’s perspective. And often this is the key to finding the solution, because it means you reach a compromise sooner.
But if you can’t do this, because you don’t respect each other, there is a big risk that your relationship will be over at some point . Moreover, there is a thin line between disrespectful behavior and emotional abuse , and you don’t want to experience the latter. These are 13 signs that he doesn’t respect you (enough).
1. You don’t get attention when you talk
We all need someone to discuss our day with and express feelings from time to time. And so when you get the chance to talk to him, you want to tell him everything about what you’ve been through. But if you often notice that he is distracted when you talk to him, and he shows little interest in what you have to say, it means that he does not respect you. Sure, he may be tired from working, but if it happens over and over again? Then it really is a lack of respect.
2. He doesn’t keep his promises
You arrange to meet him to do something fun, only to be turned away with a lame excuse that he can’t make it. If he doesn’t respect you, he won’t make any effort to keep his promises to you. Of course, this means that he will disappoint you time and time again. He won’t show up when you agree to do something fun, won’t call back when he should, and makes other plans when you’re supposed to do something fun together.
3. He doesn’t take you seriously
Thanks to the strong women in the fin de siècle , the period around 1900, women have a full place in society. And so it is not surprising that you dream about a flourishing career. The fact that you work so hard to achieve your calling is not important to him. He thinks it is more important that his food is ready when he comes home in the evening.
When you start talking about training, courses and other ways to improve yourself, he makes fun of it. He might even say you’re not good enough for that. Actually, you’ve known it for a long time: if he does this, he has no respect for you.
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4. He doesn’t want to talk about the relationship (problems)
You probably won’t hear it from him: “I don’t respect you.” But you can tell by his actions and behavior. You’ll notice it pretty quickly when you want to talk about the relationship. Does he respond with ridicule? Does he ignore your concerns? Or does he refuse to talk about them? In essence, it tells you that your needs don’t matter. These are the signs that tell you that he doesn’t respect you.
5. He has narcissistic traits
His needs, desires and wishes are the highest priority in his life. And to get his wishes fulfilled, he is willing to do whatever it takes. Even if this means putting himself before you, at times when that is inconvenient or even inappropriate.
He is the center of his universe and he doesn’t care about how he acts towards you. If he has narcissistic traits , he probably doesn’t show respect for your individual needs, thoughts and habits.
6. He never apologizes
There’s nothing wrong with being a little stubborn. It can help you get things done that others cannot. The other side of the coin is that it prevents you from admitting your mistakes. And if your husband or boyfriend is so stubborn that he never apologizes, he will probably do everything he can to avoid the question of blame.
If he doesn’t respect you, he’ll go one step further: he’ll blame you for everything that’s wrong. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way”: a statement you shouldn’t expect from him. He doesn’t apologize when he’s wrong and that’s because he doesn’t respect you.
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7. He lies and cheats
Love and lying don’t go together. The foundation we talked about earlier: lying and cheating sabotage the foundation from within. So if he regularly lies to you, this is a sign that he has no respect for you. In a relationship it is essential that you remain honest with each other: only then will the relationship last long.
8. He gives you the silent treatment
We’ve all experienced it: a disagreement that doesn’t get resolved and ends up in the silent treatment . In an attempt to manipulate you, you’re ignored, wondering what you did wrong and how bad it is. If he does this to you, he doesn’t respect you. And hold your breath: the silent treatment is a precursor to emotional abuse.
9. He wants to change you
Let’s face it: everyone changes something in a relationship. You adapt. The little changes you make to make your life fit in better with your husband or boyfriend: everyone does that. But completely transforming yourself into someone you’re not? That’s really going too far. If he wants that from you, then he doesn’t value you for who you are. And that also means he doesn’t respect you.
10. He publicly belittles you
At its core, respect means that you respect others. And if he belittles you in front of others, that is not respectful. The same goes for looking down on you or portraying you as fat or stupid. Does he say that you can never do anything right? That you should go on a diet. Or does he complain when you forget the sugar cubes when you bring him a coffee? Then he absolutely does not respect you.
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11. He flirts and compares you to other women
We all want to be that special person for our partner. A man who respects you will try to give you that feeling. If he doesn’t respect you, he won’t care how you feel in the relationship. Maybe he doesn’t care at all what you think and even flirts with other women.
You hear from acquaintances that he is active behind your back on Novamora or SecondLove . Or he compares you to women who all have attractive features that he loves, except you don’t have those features. These are all signs that he doesn’t respect you. And the longer the man continues to do this, the worse you will feel about yourself.
12. You’ve started doubting yourself
Before the relationship, you were full of confidence: a woman who stood her ground. Only then did you meet him. Instead of having confidence in what you do or say, you now doubt yourself all the time. That self-confidence you once had is gone. And chances are that this is because your boyfriend or husband has a part in that, by ignoring or minimizing your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
13. He hurts you on purpose
Nobody is perfect. And this happens to the best of us: you unintentionally hurt your partner’s feelings. Whether you said something that went wrong, or a stupid action that you didn’t think about: shit happens . But this doesn’t mean you don’t respect your partner.
This is the case if you deliberately hurt your partner. Even if you’re having the biggest fight ever, it’s disrespect if someone knowingly hurts you. Because there really is no excuse for hurting someone you supposedly care about.
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