12 Things You Need to Know Before Your First Relationship

If your life were like a romance movie , your first relationship would follow this familiar scenario. You accidentally bump into someone on the way to work. The papers in your hands fall to the floor. You quickly get on your knees to pick them up. And as you do that, look up. But before you have a chance to say anything, the eye contact makes you suddenly forget how to talk.

The world around you fades. Your jaw drops. That one second seems like a minute. In your mind you are already baking cakes together and walking hand in hand along the beach. Because the person you are looking at now is exactly how you always pictured your ideal partner. From the first ‘hello’ you know for sure: this is the one .

Unfortunately, real life rarely follows this scenario. Relationships develop differently in real life. It’s almost never like in the movies. Therefore, you may have certain expectations from your first relationship that will not be met. And you can also make mistakes that you would rather not make. We tell you about the things you would like to know before your first relationship.

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12 things you need to know for your first relationship

You’re young. You are in love. It might even feel a little magical. The first relationship you have is exciting. Everything is new and that makes it exciting. But at the same time you have no idea what to expect. It’s not something you’re taught. It’s something you have to learn yourself.

Despite all the positive feelings that come with it, falling in love is not as simple as it seems. You can get hurt and be left with a broken heart . Or you can lose yourself in a relationship that has no future. To prevent this from happening to you, these are twelve things you need to know before your very first relationship.

1. You don’t have to change

In a first relationship, you may be tempted to change yourself into someone who is completely perfect for your new partner. This allows you to pretend to be different from the person you really are. For example, you could pretend that you enjoy watching football, when you don’t. Or start smoking because your partner does too.

Before starting a relationship, it is important to realize that no one has to change themselves for someone else. You are perfect just the way you are and as a person you are more than enough to make your sweetheart happy. There is no need to change for someone else. Your partner should appreciate you for who you are.

Conversely, you cannot force your partner to change. Does your partner use drugs? Is he or she involved in criminal activities? You ca n’t change it . This is only possible if they themselves want it. Someone can pretend to change to make you happy, but it won’t last long if they don’t really want to change. This is one of the hardest lessons people learn in their relationships.

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2. You don’t live together happily ever after

While there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, first relationships usually don’t survive the test of time. That’s hard to believe when you’re intoxicated by the hormones of love. First relationships are in most cases temporary. They can last a month, six months, three years or more. But usually not forever. In other words: first relationships are almost never the only relationships people have in their lives.

3. Communication is important

Problems in relationships often arise from a lack of open and honest communication . If you don’t do this, problems will never be solved properly. What starts as a small problem grows bigger than necessary and eventually becomes a problem that can no longer be solved. Deep conversations about needs, what you and the other person want, are essential for a relationship to succeed.

4. You can get hurt

Every relationship is a risk. You make yourself vulnerable towards your partner and you expect the same the other way around. Vulnerability improves the connection between two people, but it also exposes you to potential pain. This is the case when your loved one betrays your trust and you feel sad as a result. Even if you think your partner will never do something – think cheating – keep in mind that it is possible. When you’re in a relationship, you’re putting your heart on the line.

5. Life is about more than your relationship

In a first relationship, your partner means everything to you. You don’t want it to ever end. That is why you can focus extremely on your partner during this relationship. But your loved one cannot be the center of the universe. Even though it may feel like you have to devote all your time to your sweetheart, you also have a life around the relationship. Don’t forget everything else in your life to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

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6. Not everyone has good intentions

No matter what your partner says to you, always keep in mind that you may have to take it with a grain of salt. This is especially true for first relationships that haven’t really started yet. People can lie about their intentions . For example, they may tell you that they are in love and want to start a relationship with you. But they could all be lies, just to get you between the sheets faster.

7. It can get dangerous

Relationships can end in a dangerous situation for everyone involved. Love does crazy things to people. From jealousy to stalking : you won’t be the first to deal with it. Before you get into a relationship with someone, think carefully about whether this person could create such a dangerous situation. You could notice this, for example, from these signals:

• Your loved one is acting extremely jealous.
• Your loved one sometimes explodes in anger.
• Your loved one tells you what you can and cannot do.
• Your loved one forbids you to interact with certain people.

8. Things don’t always work out

If Netflix has taught us anything about relationships, it’s that arguments and conflicts are always resolved. In real life things don’t always work out. It’s not like in the movies and series. Sometimes it is better to end a relationship. Sometimes it is better to distance yourself from your relationship. And sometimes things work out, but that’s no guarantee. Sometimes things never turn out well again.

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9. You may regret it

When you ask people what they regret about their first relationship, many mention one and the same thing: the loss of friendships . Many ignore their friends when they enter into a first relationship only to realize later – after the relationship – how bad they have done. Anyone who has given up friendships for love will tell you it’s not a good idea.

What you also don’t want is to put your dreams aside for a relationship. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize you threw away your dreams for someone who didn’t deserve it. No matter how much you care about someone, you should continue to pursue your personal goals. That is, keep doing what you enjoy to avoid regretting it later.

10. The crush will fade

That tickly feeling in your stomach? It will fade. The intense desire to be near your new love? That is becoming less. Keep in mind that falling in love is a phase . It is a temporary emotional state. When you get past this infatuation phase, it doesn’t feel so romantic anymore. That is normal. If the relationship continues after this transition, falling in love turns into ‘loving’.

11. Comparing your relationship with others is not good

If you want to ruin a relationship quickly , you compare your own relationship with that of others. It’s not fair because every relationship is unique and the people in it are different. Comparing the relationship with others is one of the most common mistakes people make in their first relationship. If you create expectations of your partner or relationship based on what you see online or around you, expect to be disappointed.

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12. Your boundaries may come under pressure

No one should pressure you to do something you don’t really want to do. Whether you want to wait until it’s serious enough or until the wedding night to have sex, your partner shouldn’t force you to have it sooner. If your partner is pressuring you to push your own boundaries, ask yourself if this is the right partner for you.

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