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Ilse has been in a relationship with her boyfriend James for several years. At first everything was good and it seemed like they were the perfect match. But over time, Ilse began to notice that something was not quite right in their relationship.
James was often jealous and possessive, and he tried to control her and limit what she could do and who she could associate with. He could also become very angry and aggressive if she contradicted him or if he thought she was cheating on him again. Ilse was afraid to contradict him and tried to prevent his moods by adapting to what he wanted.
She started to feel less and less happy in the relationship and felt insecure and unworthy. She was afraid to tell her friends and family what was really going on for fear that James would get angry or leave her. She felt hopeless and didn’t know what to do.
One day the situation became so bad that Ilse suddenly realized: this is no longer healthy. She was in an unhealthy relationship.
What is an unhealthy relationship?
Just like fast food and sweets, a relationship can also be unhealthy. An unhealthy relationship is one in which one partner (or both) is unhappy and unable to meet needs. This can lead to feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and dissatisfaction. In an unhealthy relationship there can be abuse, manipulation and a lack of respect and communication. In the long run, this can be harmful to your mental and physical health. And that is why they call this an unhealthy relationship.
An unhealthy relationship is not always easy to recognize. Sometimes the signs are subtle and have gradually crept into your life, meaning you may have even held yourself accountable for something you may not have even known was wrong. Therefore, it is difficult to recognize if you are in an unhealthy relationship, especially if you are in love and emphasize the positive aspects of the relationship. But how do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship?
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12 signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship
There are a number of signs that can tell you if you are in an unhealthy relationship. Some of these signs may include the following.
1. You are emotionally dependent
One of the first signs of an unhealthy relationship is emotional dependence. If your partner controls what you do, who you talk to, and what you wear, this can be a form of emotional dependence. This means that your partner believes that he or she should be involved in everything you do and think – which can be detrimental to your own emotional health, as well as that of your partner.
2. Your partner has ups and downs
A characteristic of an unhealthy relationship is that sometimes your partner is nice to you, but other times he or she can scold you for anything and everything. Within a short time, your partner can completely turn around and treat you like trash . There should be a balance in the feelings your partner has for you, so that you don’t have to guess every day how your partner really feels about you. The stress this causes is not healthy.
3. You have no say
Whether it is the choice of a new washing machine or the way something should be done. If you always put your own opinion aside to agree with your partner, then something is wrong. Are you in a situation where you can’t convey or talk about your thoughts? Then this is a sign that you are not in a healthy relationship.
4. You feel worse in the relationship than before
What you always see in an unhealthy relationship is that the relationship does not make you happy. It makes you sad. Do you feel like you were happier before the relationship than you were in the relationship? Then this is the sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Of course you can be sad for a day in a relationship. But if this unhappy feeling dominates, the relationship is not doing you any good.
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5. Your partner isolates you from family and friends
An important sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship is that your friendships are under pressure and you see your family less and less. If you notice that your partner is driving a wedge between you and others, then it’s time to wake up. This is a calculated way of making you more dependent on your partner, so that you have fewer choices to fall back on.
6. You can’t live without your partner (you think)
In an unhealthy relationship your feelings are played with. At some point you even think that you couldn’t live without your partner. No one else could accept you for who you are and no one else could love you as much as your partner. If you think this, then chances are your partner is already well on the way to controlling you.
7. You’re afraid your partner will get angry
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner often exhibits aggressive behavior , while the other exhibits the opposite behavior and does not argue. This eventually leads to a situation where one partner becomes afraid of the other partner’s anger. This fear can cause you to become anxious and constantly worried about your safety.
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8. You feel the relationship is suffocating
Smothering situations – where one person seems to have all the control over the other – are also characteristic of unhealthy relationships. These suffocating relationships can develop slowly over time. Some partners may start with simple commands, such as what time to be home or who you can communicate with, but over time this often becomes more intense until there is complete control over your life.
9. You face double standards
Of course, your partner can go out for an evening with friends. Not you. The double standard mainly occurs with an obsessive male partner, but it can also be the other way around. What the partner does is completely normal and accepted. But it can’t be the other way around.
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10. You are experiencing sexual abuse
Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is sexual abuse. These may be physical touches that you think go too far or things that exceed your boundaries. Sexual abuse often happens in combination with psychological abuse, where you are forced to have sex and threatened if you refuse.
It is important to note that sexual abuse is not just about the sex itself. It is also about abuse of power and manipulation. If your partner always exerts immense pressure to get something done with you, this could also be sexual abuse.
11. You are mistreated
All forms of abuse – whether physical or psychological – are a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Abuse is never healthy for anyone. Physical abuse can include hitting, kicking, pinching, hugging too hard, and any other way someone can inflict physical pain on a partner. Psychological abuse, for example, consists of intimidation, insults and creating feelings of guilt.
Although psychological abuse is less painful in the moment than physical abuse, psychological abuse can be just as damaging to you. It is also a form of abuse that is more difficult to escape than other types of abuse.
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12. Your partner is addicted
Finally, addiction problems can also be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This may be the case if you are the one who is addicted, but especially if you are confronted with your partner’s addiction problem. In either case, you may feel powerless, as if there is a third party in the relationship that neither you nor your partner have control over.
Addicts often try to block out their reality through alcohol or drug abuse and this often has a negative impact on the relationship. Although alcohol or drugs may provide temporary comfort, they ultimately do more harm than good.
It’s important to seek professional help if you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship so you can get the right help to improve the relationship or leave it if necessary. It is never too late to seek help and there is always hope for improvement, even in an unhealthy relationship.
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