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Emotional neglect is one of the most common forms of child abuse. Crying babies who are ignored, a toddler who gets no attention, and the preschooler who has to deal with a lack of interaction: parents who fail in these ways are guilty of psychological neglect. 1
When you think of emotional neglect, one of these children probably comes to mind. But emotional neglect not only occurs in parent-child relationships, it also occurs in relationships between adults. And because it leaves no physical scars, this form of neglect is often overlooked.
Adults who are emotionally neglected in their relationships become lto their own feelings, feel empty, and feel like something is missing in their lives. Sound familiar?
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Emotional neglect in a relationship
Something happened that you really need to talk about with your partner. You come home and tell them how it affected you. But your partner hears you, but they don’t listen to you: it goes in one ear and out the other. As if your feelings don’t matter. And if only it were true that this was a one-off. It’s not the first time something like this has happened to you: it seems more like a habit.
Every time you try to share your thoughts, emotions or opinions with him, he seems emotionally unavailable. It’s like talking to a brick wall. But the success of the relationship is not just about bedroom fit and physical intimacy, we also want the emotional connection.
It’s this gray area where the problems start in many adult relationships. And if you don’t realize that you are being emotionally neglected, it is difficult to break through this emotional barrier.
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12 Signs of Emotional Neglect from Your Partner
In a relationship you can expect your partner to be there for you. Not only physically, but especially mentally and emotionally. But when this support is lacking, emotional neglect can occur. These are 12 signs and examples:
1. You never argue
It sounds like a fairy tale: a relationship without disagreements and arguments . However, this is not always as positive as it seems. Because if you have no disagreements and no more “arguments”, it can mean that the emotional involvement has reached rock bottom.
2. Your partner prefers to be alone
Why are you in a relationship if you want to be alone? Who knows, but some people isolate themselves in the relationship. For example, it is possible that your partner would rather be alone than spend time with you. So when you are together for an evening, there are excuses why that is not possible. Or there are no excuses at all and your partner isolates himself, for example by going gaming.
3. You are not the one your partner looks to for support
Your partner has an urgent question, but you are not asked anything. Time and again your partner defers to others to discuss important and personal things. You’d like to give your advice, but it seems like it’s not welcome. If you notice that you are being ignored when your partner needs support, he or she is ignoring your relationship with you.
4. Something is missing
As a victim of emotional neglect, you may experience feelings of emptiness. It is a feeling that comes and goes; sometimes you feel it in your stomach, other times in your chest. And although everyone experiences this from time to time, it can also be a result of emotional neglect, because it makes you no longer feel connected to your partner or the relationship.
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5. The conversations are superficial
“How was your day, honey?” A question your partner asks you out of habit, not to really know how your day was. Do you notice that the conversations are always the same, lack depth and do not go beyond the surface? Then this is a sign of emotional indifference.
6. You are also no longer physically intimate
A partner who is no longer emotionally involved will also want to spend less time in the bedroom. Only to sleep, nothing more. Your advances are avoided and physical attraction is far away. And if you do ‘do it’, it is on autopilot.
7. You’re having an emotional affair
What you don’t have at home, you look outside. And so it can happen that you are not physically cheating, but are having an emotional affair . You’ve found someone you click with: a strong connection. Emotional affairs are often the result of an emotionless relationship.
8. You don’t feel appreciated
A bunch of flowers or a new perfume; these are the simple forms of affection that tell you that you are appreciated. But none of this is noticeable in your relationship. Instead, you are pointed out to your shortcomings and mistakes. It is as if you can do nothing right and that is how you slowly start to think about yourself.
9. You feel lonely
Feeling lonely in your relationship? It is possible. Even if you share a toothbrush every day, you can still feel lonely and alone. In most cases, this happens when you are missing something in the relationship: an emotional connection.
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10. You get the silent treatment
Both men and women say nothing is wrong , when clearly something is going on. Instead of telling what your partner feels, you are ignored: the silent treatment . Ignoring you to show that he or she is angry is emotional punishment and one of the many signs of emotional abuse .
11. The relationship is unclear
What does your partner expect from you and the relationship? If you don’t know the answer, then you are not aware of your partner’s needs. This could mean that you have neglected your partner, or that your partner has neglected you. And this can lead to you not knowing where you stand in the relationship.
12. You are no longer “yourself”
Thanks to the radio silence, the belittling and the rejections, you no longer feel like you can be yourself. You are unable to express yourself the way you want to. You are trapped in a cell with invisible bars. And because you can no longer express yourself in a way that makes you you, you are no longer yourself.
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