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Disney movies, rom-coms, and Netflix romance shows have set you up for disappointment. They tell you that Prince Charming will magically appear in your life without you having to do anything to get his attention. But now that you’ve got a few years on… you know that’s just not true. You can’t just sit back and hope that love finds you instead of the other way around. That’s not how it works (now).
Think about the last time you were on a dating app looking for men. You probably scrolled from profile to profile, swiping left and right on one after the other, giving each potential suitor maybe 5-10 seconds of your time and attention. And that’s the problem, because men do the exact same thing.
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The value of your profile text
With only a few seconds to “sell” yourself, your profile plays a crucial role. Creating an attractive dating profile can be a difficult task, but it is worth it. Especially since many women do not pay enough attention to it and (unconsciously) do a lot of things wrong.
Paragraphs about broken hearts that never fully healed, tired quotes that lost their power long ago, and bios left blank: women (just like men) get a lot of things wrong in their profile texts.
There are no interesting elements that challenge the man to swipe right and nothing in the profile offers inspiration to ask a question about. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Here are some more phrases you should avoid in your dating profile:
1. “I hate…”
Let’s say you meet someone and the first thing they start talking about is all the things they hate? Doing the dishes, ironing, unrealistic portion sizes, people getting in your way, and single-ply toilet paper. Two minutes into the conversation, you know everything they hate. Would you like to get to know them better? Assuming you’re repulsed by the idea, think about how you do the same thing in your dating profile when you say you “hate…”
2. “I don’t feel like playing games”
Are you done with fuckboys ? Met enough players in your life? Only had relationships with bad men who treated you badly? You’re done. You don’t feel like playing games anymore, so you put that in your profile. With all the hopeless men out there, it’s understandable why you would want to write this in your online dating profile.
The problem is that you’re not only scaring off the bad guys, you’re scaring off the good guys too. Because as soon as they read that one sentence, they’re going to wonder what role you played in all the drama. He’s going to wonder if you’re a problem case, how much baggage you’re carrying, and if it wasn’t your fault.
3. “I’m not looking for drama”
Drama? Who’s talking about drama? Right, only those who have experienced drama in relationships. For men who have only had drama-free relationships, this one sentence is a huge turn-off. When they read this, they’ll wonder if the opposite is true or not. Because the same women who claim they don’t want drama are often the ones creating it themselves.
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4. “I don’t know what to write here…”
To be honest? No one knows what to write in the ‘About Me’ section. But if you want to stand out from all the other profiles, do you really think it helps to include this cliché? All it does is make them think you’re boring and far from interesting. It’s not bad that you ‘don’t know what to write’, it’s bad that you mention it.
5. “Are there any good men left?”
Have you lost faith in men? Don’t put it in your profile in a disguised attempt to attract good men. You’ll achieve the opposite, because you’re essentially saying the following:
- I have no trust in men anymore.
- I have been through a lot in relationships.
- I’m frustrated about love.
- I have a backpack full of luggage.
- I have a pessimistic attitude about relationships.
- I’m desperately looking for true love.
- Maybe it’s not the men, it’s me.
6. “I like to do fun things, but I also like to chill on the couch.”
The goal of your dating profile is to show your best qualities so that others feel compelled to contact you. You don’t do that by saying exactly the same thing as everyone else. Because then you’re actually saying nothing about yourself. Do you like to do fun things , but do you also like to lie on the couch? That goes for 99% of Dutch singles. Go into details and avoid the general descriptions.
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7. “Swipe left if you… (fill in what you’re not looking for)”
One of the most common mistakes women make in dating profiles is stating what they are not looking for. Not interested in Asian men? Are road workers not “good enough” for you? Or are you not attracted to short men? You are just sending negative energy into the dating world with sentences that exclude entire groups of men.
As mentioned before, men who aren’t excluded are going to wonder why you’re excluding other men. They might think you’re shallow, racist, or discriminatory. It’s not that hard to delete messages from men you’re not interested in, is it?
8. “My sister signed me up”
Do you think a man finds it super attractive that a woman can’t even make her own choices? That she doesn’t have the guts to create a profile herself? Or worse: that she’s ashamed to be on a dating site? Just like women, men find it attractive that a woman knows what she wants and makes her own choices. In addition, you give the visitor of your profile insight into one important part of your life: you are so desperately alone that the people around you start interfering in your dating life.
9. “I don’t like dating this way at all, but…”
Not attractive. You insult the app or website you are trying to find love on. As if ‘this way of dating’ is only meant for losers, for people with a hopeless future who cry inconsolably every day because they are at their wits’ end. How do you think the visitor of your profile thinks about that when he reads your profile?
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10. “Emoticons”
We all love a riddle from time to time. But if there’s one thing we don’t have time for while swiping, it’s riddles. An emoji-only profile text can be funny in itself, but you’re also an adult and the other person can assume you’re looking for a mature relationship. So use words to paint a picture of your personality.
11. “Hey, I’m Jane Doe…”
Never, EVER, ever mention your full name. Stick to your first name. Putting your last name in a dating profile is too much, too soon . It should go without saying, but some women still put their first and last name in their profile text or username. And afterwards, they wonder why they still get so many unwanted messages from men on LinkedIn and Instagram . Never underestimate how much someone can find out about you just by having your last name.
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12. “I’m looking for a man with blue eyes, black hair and those sweet freckles that…”
Too specific? Everyone has a ‘type’, but how many people fall in love with someone who is not their ‘type’ ? A lot. A lot. So why would you exclude so many nice men because they do not meet your requirements? While there is a chance that these men can steal your heart too. It is fine to look for a man with a certain look or style, but you are overdoing it if your list of desired characteristics becomes too specific.
Everyone wants to write a great dating profile. But if you don’t put in the work, your efforts won’t yield the results you want. It can be difficult to describe yourself in a way that is both concise and precise, yet still interesting, challenging and enticing.
In the end, many women give up on the first try and write a piece they’re not happy with. “At least it’s something,” they think. And that’s why perfecting your dating profile is so valuable : you’ll immediately have an edge over other women.
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