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It started with a little thing. When you came home later than expected, your partner was waiting on the couch and said, “Where were you?!” It almost felt like you were being reprimanded by your parents. But this was your partner scolding you. Even though you didn’t like this behavior, you ignored it – after all, it was getting quite late.
Gradually the situation became worse. It didn’t stop at that one reprimand. Your sweetheart started to control you more and more and to shield you from family and friends. You exercised less, skipped evenings with friends and basically did everything together. Until at some point you realized that this was not normal. Then you realized that you lost yourself in the relationship.
What is losing yourself in a relationship?
When you lose yourself in a relationship, you sacrifice yourself for your partner. As a result, you lose sight of your own needs, desires and boundaries. You no longer stand up for yourself and no longer take the time to work on yourself. This can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety, anger and sadness.
The problem is mainly that you lose your own identity. You pay too much attention to what your partner wants, causing you to lose sight of what you want. This is, for example, the case if you always try to please your partner , while you should actually have set boundaries. Or when you adapt your opinion and views to those of your partner, because you think that is how it should be.
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11 signs you’re losing yourself in a relationship
Losing yourself in a relationship is not healthy. Even when you are in a relationship, it is important to maintain your own identity. We take a closer look at eleven signals that say you are losing yourself in a relationship. If you recognize more than one of these signs, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship.
1. You tend to compromise
Even if it doesn’t feel good? If you experience that you are always willing to give in to your partner’s will, then you let people walk all over you. You neglect yourself and adjust your priorities for your partner. In every relationship it is important that there is room for your own opinion and will. If that space isn’t there, you lose yourself in the relationship.
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2. You are constantly concerned about your partner’s feelings
If you’re always worried about what’s going on in your partner’s head, it means you’re not making room for your own feelings. You also need to pay attention to what is going on with you. Therefore, be careful that this is not at the expense of your own emotions .
3. You can’t be open and honest
It is normal to be open and honest with each other in a relationship. If that’s not possible, there’s a problem. Are your words dismissed or ignored when you say something your partner disagrees with? Then this could be a signal that something is going fundamentally wrong in the relationship.
4. You lose interest in things you used to enjoy
Before the relationship you were socially active. Not anymore. You have gradually lost all interest in the things you enjoyed. And especially because your partner ‘would rather not’ you do those things? If you are not given space to do the things you like, this could be a signal that something is wrong with the relationship.
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5. You allow your partner’s opinion and will to take precedence
Do you normally put your partner on a pedestal? If you continually allow your partner’s opinion or will to take precedence over yours, it may be an indication that something is going wrong with the balance in the relationship. It’s give and take – if there’s no balance, you can lose yourself in the relationship.
6. You no longer feel in control of the situation
Do you regularly feel powerless in the relationship? A feeling of powerlessness when it comes to making decisions? If your partner always makes the decisions about what happens in the relationship, this can lead to a loss of identity. If this signal is recognizable, ask yourself why you allow this.
7. You are increasingly dependent on your partner
If you become increasingly dependent on your partner, this may indicate an unhealthy dynamic within the relationship. In a healthy relationship you live together, but maintain your own independence . This gives you the space to develop yourself.
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8. You have come to think it is normal to be checked
From a stream of texts when you’re away to checking your phone when you’re home: you’ve come to think of it as normal. You are used to being controlled by your partner, who prefers to give you no freedom at all. If this signal is recognizable, then you actually know that this is not healthy.
9. You can’t say no
In other words: do you feel ‘obligated’ to always say yes ? Because you think this is the only way to keep your partner happy? Then you go beyond your own limits. This is a strong sign that you are losing yourself in the relationship.
10. You make excuses for your partner
Do you regularly apologize for your partner’s behavior or words? And do you specifically justify the reasons why your freedom is being restricted? Then this may indicate that you are losing yourself.
11. Your partner decides what you do in your free time
Can you only do something in your spare time if your partner wants you to? Or are you doomed to sitting at home and being bored when your partner isn’t in the mood? It’s okay if you like to do things together with your partner. But if your partner always decides what you can do, then you are losing yourself.
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Implications
In a relationship it is not difficult to lose your identity. You become so addicted to love that you do whatever it takes to stay together. You want to be happy together and if that comes at the expense of your own identity, so be it . But that’s not healthy. Neglecting yourself for a relationship has a negative impact on your well-being.
Losing your identity in a relationship has negative consequences in several areas of your life. Your confidence in yourself decreases because you are no longer sure about what you want or think and what is important to you. Your self-esteem drops because you are no longer good enough for yourself or others. And there are also often feelings of insecurity and depression, because you no longer feel connected to who you actually are.
Ultimately, it is important to recognize that a healthy relationship must be based on mutual respect, trust and honesty. If you recognize one or more of these signs, take a step back and ask yourself why you are allowing there to be such an imbalance in the relationship.
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