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It’s that feeling in your gut that makes you feel like you’re not the only one. Some call it a gut feeling, others call it intuition or the sixth sense. Whatever you call it, it’s not proof that he’s really dating someone else. Your gut feeling may never let you down, but without hard evidence it’s hard to confront him.
For example, you’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks, and while he says you’re the only one for him, you’re looking for signs that you’re not the only one he’s seeing. You’re hesitating. Is he worth investing your time and attention in, or is he playing a game with you?
Relationships and exclusivity
Do you blindly assume that you have to be the only one for him? In today’s dating world, the rules have changed. Anyone who is active on a dating app such as Tinder has several contacts at the same time. That’s how it works now. If you haven’t had “the conversation” about exclusivity yet, you can’t expect him to commit only to you. In the early days, it is quite common for one or both of them to talk or meet with more than one person.
That said, if you have had the conversation, or are fairly serious about each other, you want to be the only one. The feeling that you are not the only one makes you doubt and that is reason enough to look for the signs if it really is. Are you being led on?
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11 Signs You’re Not Alone
Whatever the reason, if you’re wondering if he’s hooking up with other women, there are always signs to notice. It is in his behavior, what he does and especially what he does not do, but also in what he says and conceals. These are the signs that tell you you’re not the only one he’s talking to.
1. He’s not available often
From swipe to match, from chatting to dating; in the beginning all steps followed each other in quick succession. But now that you have known each other a little longer, he is less and less available. Either he is always too busy with “work”, or his hobbies suddenly take up a lot of time. Is he really short on time to meet with you or is something else going on? The fact that he makes little or no time for you is one of the first signals that you may not be the only one for him.
2. He says something he’s already said, but not to you
That story about his brother that made him laugh so much? According to him, he already told you that story, but you don’t know anything. If you confront him about it, he will continue to insist that he told you before. Before you start doubting yourself; he may have told you, but not to you.
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3. He mentions something you didn’t do with him
That great movie you saw together? He can’t stop talking about it. What he doesn’t seem to remember is that you didn’t see it together at all. It’s another sign that you’re not the only one he’s seeing. It’s not strange that you think he saw the movie with someone else, but not with you. He probably did.
4. He gets a lot of texts when you’re together
Every time you do something together you notice that he is constantly receiving texts and snaps from someone else. It’s 2019, everyone is muting their group chats. Who sends him all those texts when you’re together? If you ask, you don’t get a clear answer, but he still keeps answering the texts as if it is the most normal thing in the world.
It’s even a little disrespectful, even if it’s not another woman. But there’s also the chance that it’s another woman, with whom he shares sexy snaps .
5. He mentions someone else’s name in bed
People do strange things in the heat of the moment . While you’re having wild sex, he suddenly calls you someone else’s name. “Ohhh Maria, you’re so hot!” While your name isn’t Maria at all, but Linda. If there’s a sign that he’s not only interested in you, it’s this signal. There’s probably nothing more humiliating than hearing another woman’s name during sex. Either he accidentally calls you an ex, or you’re not the only one, just like Maria.
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6. He seems to be hiding something
Do you feel like he’s keeping secrets from you? You get this feeling, for example, if he has no explanation for where he has been. Or you catch him lying. According to him, he would have been in bed at 10 p.m., but you saw him ‘Online’ on WhatsApp for a longer period of time in the middle of the night. If you ask, he denies it. When it seems like someone has something to hide , they often do.
7. He doesn’t want to be ‘friends’ yet
What he does on social media should remain a secret from you for a while, because he thinks it is still too early to be friends with you. If you send him a friend request, he ignores it. If you talk about making the relationship Facebook official , he talks over it. If you ask why he doesn’t want that, you’ll get an excuse. Does this look familiar? Then you can rightly wonder what his reasons are. Maybe he doesn’t want you to find out that he approaches women with likes and comments.
8. He has a girlfriend, who seems like more than a girlfriend
With the argument “We’re just friends!” he has daily contact with a girlfriend. Where is the line between ‘just friends’ and ‘more than friends’? Only you can answer this question yourself. You may think that jealousy is messing with your thoughts, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Trust your feeling. Maybe he doesn’t feel anything for her (yet), but that could be the case the other way around. And everyone knows how that could end.
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9. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends/family
One of the signs that a man is serious is in his contacts with family and friends. If he sees a future together, he wants to involve you in his personal life. You meet his friends and visit his immediate family. He wants to proudly show you off to everyone who is important to him. Doesn’t he? Then that is a signal that he is not serious and may be playing a game with you .
10. He is spotted with other women
It’s a classic scenario that you’ll encounter if you’re not the only one. Through the grapevine, you hear from an acquaintance that your boyfriend has been seen with another woman. When you confront him, he denies it: “Who, me? That must have been someone else!” Although he may be telling the truth, it’s time to pay more attention. It could be a sign that he’s really dating other women.
11. He doesn’t want to call it a relationship
Someone who has it both ways wants to keep his options open. He doesn’t want to call it a relationship yet, but you have been ‘dating’ for months. What does this mean? It means that he is not yet sure about your relationship. Is he referring to a case of fear of commitment ? Chances are he really feels this fear of commitment, but it could also be a way for him to justify dating multiple women for himself. If you are not in a relationship, then it is not technically cheating.
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What these signals tell us
If you’ve just discovered one of these signs, don’t worry. A single signal is nothing to worry about. This is especially true if you haven’t talked about exclusivity yet. Maybe he thinks that it is still ‘allowed’ to chat with other women, while you assume that you will cut off all contact. Only if you talk about it with each other will you find out what the expectations are.
Is it clear that you are exclusive, but do you recognize several signals? Then it’s time for you to think carefully about the relationship. Confront him with your suspicions and ask for the truth. The signals can give you the hint that he is in contact with other women, but only he can tell you what really happens.
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