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A relationship is not a charity project. In fact, if you see your partner as a ‘project’, things are already starting on the wrong foot. No relationship should start with the intention of changing another person. But at the same time, that is something that people often try. They want their partner to change, even though that may never happen.
11 Signs He Won’t Change
For example, you have been with your partner for a while and you know that he has his problems. After all, no one is perfect. But as time goes by, you find it increasingly difficult to deal with his problems. You wonder if he will ever change. There are some signs that tell you he will never change.
1. He says he will never change
Does he regularly tell you ‘This is who I am. Take it or leave it or something similar? In his mind, he is a perfect partner. He may recognize that he has a bad habit , but he won’t bother to do anything about it. For him it’s simple: if you love him, you have to accept him for who he is.
In a relationship it is of course never healthy to want to change each other, but everyone has shortcomings. Together, as a couple, you can do something to make each other better or at least deal with it better. But if you’re not open to that, it will never happen.
2. He always blames you
When you point out his problems, he will immediately point the finger at someone else. And often it is one and the same person: that is you. He tells you that you are the cause of all his problems. Do you tell him that you’re annoyed that he never cleans up? Then he will say that you are supposed to clean it up. Do you tell him he spends too much time gaming? Then he thinks you don’t give him any rest.
By always immediately blaming the other person, he does not recognize his own problem and does not even have to think about it. If he blames you, tell him what exactly he is doing and remind him that you are not responsible for the things he knowingly did.
3. He plays the victim
A sign that he will never change is that he always has an excuse at the ready. Things are never his fault and he will always put himself in the role of victim. Was he late for dinner with the in-laws ? Then it was the traffic, but not himself. But if he has an excuse for everything, he’s either someone who thinks he can never do anything wrong or someone who just doesn’t want to take responsibility. And people like that will never change.
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4. He gets angry easily
A sign that he will never change is that when you point out his mistakes he becomes angry and defensive. This can sometimes happen if he is aware of his problems but doesn’t know how to deal with them. A defensive reaction mainly stems from a feeling of helplessness or a bruised ego.
5. He is not empathetic
Empathetic people can easily put themselves in someone else’s shoes. This means that they can see what they did wrong and that this may have hurt the other person. In a relationship it is obviously very important to be empathetic, because you have to take the feelings of others into account. It’s no longer just about yourself.
Doesn’t he care what happens to others unless it affects him too? Then you don’t have to expect this to change anytime soon. It is very difficult to change someone who is not empathetic. This is something that is deeply rooted and is not easy to learn.
6. He doesn’t acknowledge his problems or shortcomings
Does he have shortcomings that lead to problems in the relationship ? Then of course it is necessary to say something and talk about it. For example, he may quickly raise his voice and you find this annoying. Unfortunately, he’s telling you that this is just “how he is,” that he doesn’t see this as a problem and isn’t willing to change that. It is impossible to change someone who refuses to acknowledge a problem.
The older he is, the less likely he is to change. Of course, your partner does n’t have to change for you . But when it comes to shortcomings or issues that affect you or that you are a victim of, such as yelling during arguments or flirting with other women, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker.
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7. He doesn’t understand your feelings
Your partner has shown several times through his behavior that he doesn’t care how you feel. For example, he doesn’t care whether the things he does hurt you. And he doesn’t bother to cheer you up. Does he not apologize, gets angry easily, or always blames you? Then it is clear that he does not understand your feelings, otherwise he would have done this for you.
8. His apology is not sincere
When he says “sorry,” it feels like he’s just saying it to keep you happy. But an apology means little if nothing is done about it. Ask for actions, not words. If he means what he says, he will have to prove it. If he doesn’t, nothing will change.
9. He is only interested in himself
When he talks, you notice how often he uses the words ‘I’ and ‘mine’. ‘You’, ‘we’ or ‘us’ do not appear in his vocabulary? When he talks, it’s mostly about the things he likes, the things he wants to do, and the things you can do for him. It is very difficult to change a selfish person. He puts himself first and this way of thinking is very difficult to change. And such people never change, only when it suits them or unless something forces them.
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10. He tells you not to show off
You calmly explain to him that you find something annoying. But instead of taking this seriously, he tells you not to act like that. He doesn’t think it’s a big problem and he thinks you’re taking it too seriously and personally. This is the ultimate form of gaslighting .
The fact remains that the problem is really serious for you. If he really cares, he will at least make the effort to try to see it from your point of view. If he never bothers to see it from your perspective, things won’t change anytime soon.
11. He doesn’t keep his promises
Beware of a man who does not keep his promises. These types are difficult to change. It’s not just once or twice that he doesn’t keep his promises. He doesn’t keep almost every promise he makes. This proves that he cannot be trusted. If he can’t be trusted with small promises, how can you trust him with big promises like love, loyalty or money?
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