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Words can hurt. Everyone knows that. They are a lot more powerful than some would like to believe. They can leave a lasting impression on you, no matter how small the comment. You can receive a great compliment from someone and feel good about it for weeks to come. Unfortunately, this also applies to hurtful statements, which can have a long-term effect on your mental state.
The positive things said to you are often quickly forgotten, but the negative things are much more difficult to forget. It can leave a big dent in your ego and make you feel insecure. We all experience that in our lives.
Whether it is a family member who said this to you, a friend or your partner. Sometimes it can take days, weeks and even months to get over it. If the problems are not resolved or discussed, this can have much greater consequences in your relationship. It can even lead to a break with your partner.
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8 ways to respond
Forgiveness is an important ingredient for relationships. Everyone can say something that hurts someone else. Not only does it happen consciously, it is even more often an unconscious comment. Especially during an argument or heated conversation, you can say things that you don’t actually mean at all.
In order not to let things get out of hand, it is important to learn to forgive and move on. There are different ways to do this. These are 8 things you can do or say when your partner says hurtful things.
1. Hold your answer
Everyone shouts sometimes in a heated conversation or during an argument. You can say things you don’t mean and hurtful things can be said. In an adult relationship it is completely normal to sometimes have arguments and disagreements. However, it is not smart or wise to shout back and say mean things; this only leads to more damage.
Therefore, postpone your response and hold your answer. After the argument you will have calmed down a bit and can think better and more rationally. This way you can clearly formulate what you actually want to say, without hurting the other person or shouting things that you don’t actually mean – and that you will regret later.
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2. Filter the words
Your partner often does not mean what he or she says when he or she makes hurtful statements. It all happens on a whim. You are both upset and looking for a way to express your frustrations. However, it’s important to filter the statements and ignore the things said that you know he or she doesn’t actually mean.
3. Talk about it
Hurtful statements always stay with us. You may feel like you don’t care, but it can still be very painful. After an argument you may not feel the need to talk to your partner and give them silent treatment . However, it is wise not to play psychological games after a heated argument.
This doesn’t mean you should pick up where the argument left off. Clarify what you actually meant and also express your feelings. Did a certain statement from your partner cause extra pain? Then say this. Then your partner can also explain why he or she said certain things. And both get the chance to apologize.
4. Find out what was behind the hurtful statement
In most cases, most hurtful statements are not said out of a desire to hurt the other person. Hurtful words are often said out of frustration. Even when people think they are going to ‘lose’ the argument or discussion , things are often said that are not meant. Of course, this doesn’t excuse hurtful statements, but it can give you a better understanding of how your partner is feeling.
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5. Don’t go to bed angry
It is wise to try to solve as much as possible before going to sleep. It is not healthy for your sleep and when you wake up the next morning without having finished talking, it does not give you a good feeling for the day ahead. Make sure you talk out the argument before you go to bed. It is good for both your physical and mental health.
6. Take responsibility for your part
Shifting blame from one party to another is not the best way to handle conflict. It’s important to accept that not everything is your partner’s fault. Make sure you also take responsibility for your part. This means that you recognize that you also have a role in it. Accepting your own responsibility is the first step towards reconciliation and forgiveness.
7. Forget the things that happened in the past
When you have difficulty with forgiveness, it is often because you are holding on to the pain of the past. However, it is wise to let this go at some point. Everyone has said things in the past that hurt. But once you’ve talked this out, the other person has apologized and then it hasn’t happened again, there’s no point in continuing with it. Live in the present and forgive the things that happened in the past.
8. Walk away
Don’t be afraid to walk away if the situation becomes unpleasant. Does it happen more often that your partner says hurtful things? If this behavior is repetitive, it is definitely high time to reconsider the relationship. A relationship should not be hurtful, it should make you feel happy, confident and safe. Don’t be afraid to leave the relationship or at least take a time-out . It helps you to think carefully about what you really want.
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