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What happened to you in previous relationships is part of who you are. It has a direct impact on your overall happiness – then and now. These events and memories can keep us from having a healthy relationship or achieving our life goals.
They may be experiences that come from previous romantic relationships, but they don’t have to. It could also be things that happened earlier in your life or in relationships other than with romantic partners. These past experiences can undermine the prospects for a better future.
Most people can accept, learn from, and overcome the problems of previous relationships. But sometimes specific situations prevent us from having healthy relationships with others. This not only affects your happiness, but it can also have a negative impact on your partner. Does your past have a negative influence on the present? Then we call this emotional baggage .
What is emotional baggage?
Emotional baggage is a metaphor that refers to the negative, unresolved emotions from experiences in your past. It is an invisible backpack that you carry for the rest of your life. Different types of emotional baggage can negatively impact your current experiences with romantic partners, friendships, family relationships, and career.
The insecurities and hang-ups that have been carried over from previous experiences in our lives form our emotional baggage. For example, carrying around emotional baggage could mean being treated poorly in a previous marriage or a messy divorce that you haven’t yet been able to process. This baggage can be an obstacle in later relationships. Anything that burdens you because of your past can actually be classified as an emotional problem.
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7 common types of luggage
What emotional baggage do you carry with you? Have you considered looking deeper within yourself to identify the problems? And do you want to take the necessary steps to get rid of your pain, bad habits and insecurities? We tell you how to recognize emotional baggage and how you can ultimately overcome it.
1. Trust issues
You may not have healed from the pain you experienced in previous relationships. Maybe you were cheated on by your ex or you still feel very hurt by what happened. These unresolved emotional issues leave you unable to trust others, including a new partner, no matter how kind they may be to you.
2. Fear of commitment
Do you have trouble committing yourself to one person? And does that have to do with your previous experiences? You could suffer from fear of commitment due to your emotional baggage . You may have seen a relationship break down because of something serious or you may have had a negative experience with a possessive type. Do you think you have a fear of commitment? Then the thought of a long-term relationship is already terrifying.
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3. Regret, guilt or shame
Are you blaming yourself for the collapse of your previous marriage? Or were you the one who had an affair and now you feel guilty about it? If you are dealing with feelings of guilt, it is important to address these concerns so that in the future you can have a healthy relationship that focuses on the person you are with. And don’t concern yourself with things you feel guilty about. Otherwise you are constantly thinking about the many things you regret.
4. Painful memories
Painful memories of events in your life can be difficult to let go. A death, a break-up or abuse: some people simply cannot let go of the past or the memories they have of it. It is the emotional baggage that people carry with them. But with the right help, you can find ways to cope.
5. Not being able to forgive and forget
Do you have trouble letting things go? To reduce the emotional baggage, it is sometimes necessary to take something out of your backpack, otherwise the backpack will become too full. By clinging to the memories you do just the opposite. You don’t see that you simply have to forgive someone in order to forgive them – no matter how hard that is. because if you can’t let go of a relationship , then this situation is harmful to your new relationship.
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6. Aggression and anxiety problems
Perhaps you have fallen into debt in the past and are still emotionally affected by it. For example, when you immediately start shivering when the postman delivers the mail (and bills). Or maybe you have been stalked and find it difficult to walk the streets alone. Getting rid of fears usually means facing the fears.
7. Trauma
Experiencing trauma, in whatever form, is often not your own fault. Maybe you have lost a dear family member or experienced something very scary. If this experience becomes part of how you behave in the present, then we also speak of emotional baggage.
How do you deal with emotional baggage?
In general, we can say that everyone makes mistakes in relationships . We all have our quirks. And some of us, or perhaps most of us, carry emotional baggage. But sometimes we don’t realize that there is something wrong with us, so we go on with our lives repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Even though the emotional baggage is there, it is not understood or processed.
1. Recognize emotional problems
It is important to classify the emotional baggage you carry. What does it do to you? How does it manifest itself in your behavior? What emotional baggage do you take with you into your new relationships? Above all, think about how it affects your happiness and self-esteem. Do you say hurtful things when you don’t mean it that way? Do certain patterns keep recurring in disagreements and conflicts? Or do several people say something about your behavior?
2. Identify your problem areas
Look within yourself and discover what is holding you back in your love life. Do you have one of the most common types of emotional baggage in your life? If you list the reasons for yourself, you will quickly find out why you are having problems in your current relationships. Once you have identified the problem areas, you can move on to finding solutions. For example, see what you can do to correct the incorrect thoughts.
3. Talk about it
One of the best ways to put an end to unconscious emotions is to talk to someone about what’s bothering you. For example, a therapist can help to find the emotional obstacles. And once you know what the problem is, the therapist can help you accept it and face it head-on.
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4. Self-improvement
Once you know what are the things you need to work on, then it’s time to actually work on achieving your goals. For example, if you have anger problems, find a self-help book to guide you on the best ways to overcome it. For example, there are interactive and personalized workbooks in which you can write. If you really can’t figure it out on your own, find a good coach who can help you achieve your goals.
5. Give yourself time
To heal properly it is important to take the necessary time. It is not without reason that they say that ‘time heals all wounds’. It is not useful to enter into a new relationship when you are busy solving emotional problems from previous relationships. Take the time to solve your problem areas and overcome the causes of these stress areas. This will pay you much more in the long run.
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