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What is a love life without humor? Relationships would be a dull affair if there was never any laughter. That at least one of the couple has a sense of humor is therefore essential to prevent a constant funeral mood.
But humor has two sides and is therefore a subjective phenomenon. What one person finds funny may be disgusting to another. And in a relationship, this different sense of humor can cause problems.
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A different sense of humor
While it’s okay to occasionally find your partner’s jokes and one-liners funny, it’s quite difficult to maintain a healthy relationship if you can never laugh at them. It’s even more difficult if you can’t tolerate the other sense of humor at all. Not only for you, but also for your partner.
‘It was just a joke…’
Constantly making the wrong jokes at the wrong times is like walking across a minefield with a blindfold on. Every step you take could be your last, because the endless arguments will eventually end. A mismatch between what you and your partner find funny can become a landmine as the relationship progresses. Say the wrong thing, make a misplaced joke and it’s over. An example:
You like to be sarcastic by always saying what you don’t mean, while your partner doesn’t understand it and thinks you mean it. Or maybe your sarcasm is not understood and you are just callous and hurtful to others.
“Nice scent. How long did you marinate in it?” – When your partner puts on too much perfume.
Your partner, on the other hand, is a lover of puns and expressions with a ‘double meaning’. And because this is not your humor, you don’t understand every time you are being misled. Or sentences like ‘you must always know what time it is on time’ make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. A fundamentally different sense of humor creates confusion.
A different sense of humor can also make your partner feel bad. You may find it funny to (unconsciously) make a joke about your partner, but your partner may see it as a humiliation. Or it can make your partner insecure. The other side of humor is that it can have a positive impact on your relationship.
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Couples who laugh together tend to stay together
According to research from the University of Kansas, couples who share the same sense of humor stay together longer. That is the conclusion of a meta-study with more than 15,000 participants into the role of humor in relationships. And what do the researchers conclude? The main thing is that you both find the same kind of humor funny. If you share a sense of what is funny, then it affirms your relationship through laughter.
People who start dating often say that they want to find someone with a good sense of humor. But that is far too broad and actually not true. What they really want is someone who shares their own sense of humor. But this does not necessarily mean that the end of the relationship is in sight if your sense of humor does not match. Maybe you are just on a different channel and you need to find the right wavelength.
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Finding the right sense of humor
Is it possible for a couple to stay together for a long time, despite the different forms of humor? Yes. There are so many different types of humor that there is a shared sense of humor somewhere. Of all the categories – such as dry humor, one-liners, irony and more – there is always one humor style that matches what the other likes. So it is not so much about the humor styles in which your preferences differ, but about the styles that you can laugh at.
Everyone has a different sense of humor, and there’s rarely anything you can both laugh about. Once you figure out what kind of humor you both enjoy, you can plan activities that bring that humor to the forefront. While it may take a little more effort to find a shared sense of humor, it’s worth it to find that shared laugh.
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