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Based on his research and bestselling psychology books, Dr. Tim Elmore discovers 7 big mistakes parents often make when it comes to raising their children. These mistakes can reduce children’s self-confidence at an early age and also reduce their chances of having a successful career as an adult.
Below you will find the 7 parenting mistakes according to Dr. Tim Elmore:
1. We no longer let our children experience risks.
We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. We want to make everything as safe as possible for our children and that is why we do everything we can to protect them. And that is of course also our job as parents, but we have almost completely kept our children away from risk-taking behavior and that has the opposite effect.
Psychologists in the U.S. have discovered that if a child does not play outside and never experiences a broken knee, they often develop phobias as adults. Children need to fall occasionally and learn that this is normal, and teens should actually experience heartbreak at least once so that they appreciate the emotional maturity of a long-term relationship. When parents remove all risk from their children’s lives, we are likely to experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our future leaders.
2. We Come to the Rescue Too Quickly
The youth of this generation have not learned the same life skills that children learned 30 years ago because parents step in and solve the problems for them. When we help our children out too quickly and always assist them with everything, we remove the need for them to think for themselves and to solve their own problems.
It’s a short-term parenting strategy and it misses the part about teaching children leadership – how you teach young people to do it without help. Ultimately, children get used to the fact that there is always someone who will help them: “If I mess up, there is always someone who will fix things for me and who will take away all the consequences of my actions.” While this is not reality and the world simply does not work that way, which means that children cannot cope with the real world when they grow up.
Also Read: Why and How I Teach My Introverted Children To Take Up Space
3. We cheer too quickly
Around the 1980s, the idea arose that everyone was a winner. But research now shows that this method has its consequences. Children eventually realize that only mom and dad think they are absolutely wonderful. They begin to question their parents’ objectivity; it feels good at the time but it is not reality. When we cheer too quickly, even when there is bad behavior and poor performance, children will eventually cheat, exaggerate and lie in order to avoid difficult things in life. Because they are not used to the harsh reality at all because they have always been praised to the heavens.
4. We let guilt get in the way of good parenting.
Your child doesn’t have to love you every minute. Your child will get over disappointment, but he will not get over the effect of too much spoiling. So say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ to them and let them fight for the things that really matter to them. As parents, we tend to give our children what they want when we reward them, especially if you have multiple children.
When one child is good at something, we don’t think it’s fair not to praise the other child as well. This is not realistic and you miss the opportunity to show that success depends on one’s own actions and deeds. Be careful about rewarding a good grade with a trip to the mall. Because if your relationship is based on material rewards, children do not experience intrinsic motivation or unconditional love.
Also Read: The 5 Struggles That You Probably Recognize As A Highly Sensitive Mother
5. We Don’t Share the Mistakes of Our Past
Healthy teens want to spread their wings and they need to try things out on their own. We as adults have to let them go, but that doesn’t mean we can’t adjust them. Share relevant mistakes you made as a teenager in ways that help them make the right choices. (Try to avoid negative lessons learned related to smoking, alcohol, and drugs.)
Children sometimes need to make mistakes and experience the consequences of their actions. Share how you felt when you found yourself in a similar situation and what lesson you learned from it. Because we don’t just want to influence our children, we want to be the best influence there is.
6. We confuse intelligence, talent and influence for maturity.
Intelligence is often used as a measure of a child’s maturity and therefore parents often assume that an intelligent person is ready for the world. But this is not the case. For example, some young actors or athletes have enormous talent, but can become embroiled in scandals. There is no magic limit for when children can handle responsibility or guideline for when a child can handle more freedom, but a good benchmark is to observe other children who are the same age as your child.
Also Read: Children Need To Play Outside, Even When It Is Cold and Wet
7. We Don’t Set a Good Example
As parents, it is our job to be a good example for our children. We want to help them live a good life as honest adults who you can rely on and who keep their promises. And as leaders of our own households, we can start by always being honest.
Look at yourself and the ethical choices you make, because whatever you do, whatever choice you make, your children see it. If you don’t cut corners, your children will know that it is not acceptable if they do. Show your children what it means to give to others by volunteering. Help other people and be there for others and your children will see this and do the same.
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